And so it begins...again

I think that every single one of my temporarily successful attempts at weight loss have begun with this type of epiphany: What am I doing?? Am I really shopping for size 16+ clothes because I can't shake the habit of having dessert? Have I been in a mild state of depression since childhood just because I really enjoy food? But, then, one fateful night (or afternoon...or morning) comes, and I'm dying in stress about my Bio exam or it's Friday night and I'm alone in my dorm room with nothing to do. And, yup. You guessed it. I eat. ALOT. And, then by the time I've consumed a couple hundred calories, I give up. It's just not worth it, I say. My life sucks, and even this momentary comfort that I'm getting is worth it. And, of course, looking back to it, I (probably like you) think that I'm a complete idiot who is lazy and has severe self-discipline problems. So, why is this time different? I don't know if it is, to be honest; I just hope, from the bottom of my heart, that it is. This time, I've decided to at least begin by not doing Weight Watchers. I know that WW is an amazing program, that has helped so many people (I know! I've read their blogs), but I've realized that I always just get burned out too quick for both core and flex. And, I think, in order to be semi-successful, I need to be honest about myself. I really don't do well with strict rules. It's easier for me to tell myself to "eat only up to the point where you're satisfied, incorporate vegetables and fruits into your meals, and eat 3 meals and 1 snack a day" than "you can have 27 points, and you have to look up all the generic point values of the foods because they're cafeteria food and also, increase each dish by a couple of points b/c it IS college after all". I hope I do eventually learn the basic rules of eating well that I can follow WW, but not right now. Next, I've accepted that I'm not normal. Normal people do not think about food ALL day - but I do. I can't help it. I just need to realize that I'm never going to have a "normal, healthy" relationship to food and move on. Accept my obsession and deal with it. And, finally, I've realized that I am a secret eater. I can go out to dinner with my friends, and act like a totally normal person who is just eating for nourishment. But, when I'm alone....let me tell you, I can eat EVERYTHING. And, I think, one of my biggest problems has always been, there's been no one to tell me to stop eating because I don't let people know. And, I guess, that's where blogging comes in. I hope that you will keep me accountable, and also, hopefully, offer advice and encouragement when needed. Wish me luck!